Boss denies employee's leave for father's memorial service: 'It was an undue stress on the team'

Should you have to constantly justify your personal life to your boss?

Asking for time off can be a personal thing. You don't wanna have to constantly explain yourself to the people that you work with. You want to live your life in a way that your employer understands, but doesn't have a part of. You want to be able to take the time off that you need to take, and not worry about the professional consequences of a personal tragedy. But this doesn't always happen. The personal has a way of interfering with the professional and vice versa. Sometimes your job takes up undue stress in your life, and there's not a ton that you can do about it. What helps more than anything is if you have a boss who leads with empathy. If your boss sees and acknowledges your humanity first, then everything has a way of running a little bit smoother. But some people have a hard time separating the bottom line from the humanity of their employees. They see you as a number, and not as a person with a rich life, needs, and wants. 

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  • A tired businesswoman puts her head in her hands
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Boss requested I adjust the date of my dad's funeral because other teammates took leave at the same time.

    3:40 PM Hello Since you have an impact on Revenue process and especially at YE. Please can you consider limiting your time off during the window of last week of June through the first week of July, to only a week and possibly take the second week off later? When you were out last year around the same time, it was an undue stress on the team, and this year, we have out of leave, so we are already down by one key resource. Thanks!
    via Replaceableuser
  • DM from my boss after I told the team (4 of us) in the team meeting I will need time off soon. She is aware my dad d d 1.5 weeks ago because I put in BEREAVEMENT leave for 2 days immediately after his death. One teammate will be on leave and one took vacation.
    via Replaceableuser
  • Last year, I gave them 8 months notice (for kids bday present - attending an event) and it was not a problem at all when I checked with the team after.
    via Replaceableuser
  • ETA: I gave verbal dates in the meeting (to which she did not respond immediately), he's cremated so time is not an issue, we're devastated, still waiting on an autopsy report, pooling money to coordinate everything time sensitive, international travel is required so trying to be considerate to other family that wants to say goodbye, etc. Final goodbyes can be done with
    via Replaceableuser
  • cremains. You guys are so weird... It's about how the boss is a lol. ETA 2: I have 2 weeks of vacation that must be used by 7/1 regardless. The funeral is not 2 weeks long (and I didn't even suggest it) but we do have to figure out legal and court matters + clean out a house.
    via Replaceableuser
  • A man in a grey sweater and airpods puts his head in his hands
    via Lala Azizli

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • That's what happened to the employee in this situation, who ran into an unfortunate situation at work. When something came up in their personal life that they had zero control over, they hoped that their employer would be understanding. But instead of being met with sympathy and empathy, they were met with unreasonable expectations. If one person being absent for a while means that your whole business comes crashing down, then it was never sustainable in the first place. Businesses should be able to operate with a few pieces missing every now and then, and not blame those pieces for having life happen to them. You can't control when life comes at you, and it has a way of coming at you quickly. All you can do is respond to it in the moment and hope other people have grace for you just as you would have grace for them. But that's not what happened here. Keep reading to see what happened in the story, and let us know what you think about it in the comments.

  • Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

    strangerthingssteve "this is extremely unprofessional. I will be there for my father's funeral. I will not move the date. I'm shocked you would ask such a request."
    via strangerthingssteve
  • tardigrades_snuggle My psychology professor mocked me when I told her why I missed a midterm. I was the last of about 5 people that were outside her office to give excuses why we missed the test. When it
    via tardigrades_snuggle
  • was my turn, she asked, "and what is your excuse?", like she was annoyed. I said sheepishly, "um, my dad d d." And she mockingly said "um, my dad d d" in whiny voice. So I reach in my back pocket and pull out the obit. The look on her face and the little squirm she did, was priceless. She was such a bitty.
    via tardigrades_snuggle
  • Queasy_Recover5164 First of all, sorry for your loss. Second, this message and the clear critical role you play for this company hopefully reinforces how important your skills must be and how marketable you likely are as a job candidate. Maybe a good time to take those skills elsewhere.
    via Queasy_Recover5164
  • dangerousfeather "I'm sorry the death of my father is so distressing for you. I will speak with my family members about d_ng at more convenient times in the future."
    via dangerousfeather
  • Morpheus636_ Wow that's incredibly unprofessional. I'm sorry for your loss. Is it common to schedule funerals that far out? In my religion we're technically supposed to do it within 24 hours, though 2-3 days is generally acceptable if family has to travel.
    via Morpheus636_
  • sad spilt_martini Do you have an HR department? And an employee handbook or policy document? I would just forward this onto HR and say "hey, my dad d d and my manager
    via sad_spilt_martini
  • won't let me have time off. What's the policy on bereavement leave?" I'd bet, you'll magically be approved and someone will get extra training on company policy.
    via sad_spilt_martini
  • therealkingwilly Could it be that the manager didn't realise the two weeks break was for the funeral?
    via therealkingwilly
  • No_Consideration4259 OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Is there any chance your boss didn't remember that this time off at the end of June is related to your father's passing? As you see in many of these responses, a lot of people are surprised at the idea of a funeral a couple months away. Maybe
    via No_Consideration4259
  • since you already used bereavement leave, Boss didn't connect the dots about the time off and thinks it might be another kid birthday thing like last year. I really hope this is the
    via No_Consideration4259
  • reason. Obliviousness would still sk, but be less horrifying than them expecting you to reschedule a funeral.
    via No_Consideration4259
  • biton Are you sure they know that's why it's booked then? If you suffered the loss in April but booked two weeks off in July I am not sure I would link the two as a funeral is normally a lot sooner here.
    via bit0n
  • Glew26 Where's the request to move your dad's funeral? This doesn't sound like an email from someone who knows there's a funeral involved.
    via Glew26

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